you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
