Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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