I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
