There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
