Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
