Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
