no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
