I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
