I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
