my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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