I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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