the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
