A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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