i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
