A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
