please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
