My nipple is on Facebook.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
