Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you traded sex for a burrito?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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