yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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