"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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