Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
