You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
