So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize