He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So squirting runs in the family.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
