i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
