I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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