pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
