just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
