she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
