Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
