I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize