He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
