is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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