Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
We smell like vodka and hangover
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