Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
