So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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