i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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