I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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