i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize