I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
