talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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