Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
