maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
