i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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