well I can't set my house on fire every night
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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