I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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