guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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