Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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