First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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