One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
