Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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