i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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