dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
