Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
