You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize