She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
