It's Friday. Sex?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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