Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
