Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
