It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
