so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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