I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
