Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
