Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
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