you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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