So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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