fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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