He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I party with great urgency now.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize