never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
