My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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