if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
