yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Pants are for mortals
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize