I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
