I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
