We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
