i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
