So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
