Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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