Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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