I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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