this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
there was a trapeze. enough said
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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