you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I want a musical about memes.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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