He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
