that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
