I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize