I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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