I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
