perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
