so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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