Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
