I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
