her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize