well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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