So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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