You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize