I want to have your abortion
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
