Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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