tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
