where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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