I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
