this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
