I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
