God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am puke
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
