if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
