oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize