Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
