i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
