Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
