dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
