She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
