im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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