Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
